I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
