Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Houston, we have a blender
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You've changed since you got that strap on
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
