I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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