who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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