We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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