I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
