Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
We got so high we made milksteak
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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