So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
