I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
