Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
