i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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