angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
