Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
