Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
