physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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