Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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