She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
