I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
