dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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