Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
