Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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