Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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