Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
