she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
