i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
