Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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