Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I didn't notice because vodka
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
