i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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