dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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