dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
