youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
