All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
