soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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