it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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