I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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