How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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