This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
