Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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