Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
