The maid of honor just puked.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
