btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
