Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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