i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
