would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
