we're chasing vodka with high fives
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
i believe in u and ur pee
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
