dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
