where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
