And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
