Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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