to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
